The phrase “That’s just the way it is” is used in many different contexts from workplaces, to families, to finances, to politics, and even to churches. Often when this phase is used it tends to be in situations where people feel their hands are tied, that the way things are done is just out of their control and there is nothing that can be done. I was reminded of this recently as I listened to the “Productive Pastor Podcast” by Chad Brooks (which is very good). The phrase, “That’s just the way it is” gets thrown around a lot in religious circles whether that be in the local church, with denominational leaders/boards/committees, and beyond. However, this phrase can be used in ways that make us complacent to things that should be changed, that just because something has been done a certain way doesn’t mean it is good or healthy. Let me share a few examples of what I mean by this.
As was brought up in the Productive Pastor Podcast if a friend was in a relationship and this person was being abused we wouldn’t (or shouldn’t!) say, “Yeah Brad has a mean streak, but I mean what can you do that’s just the way he is.” Not a chance, we would want to do whatever we could to get that friend out of that situation. We can also think of many relational situations where bad actions are tolerated and given the disclaimer, “Well, that’s just the way it is”. You go to the family get-togethers over the holidays and Aunt Mildred is there spouting off again with her racist comments and someone says, “Oh that’s just Aunt Mildred, she doesn’t know any better” and then people are just supposed to go along with it so we don’t create a scene. We are more concerned with not creating a scene than we are with correcting a wrong and not sitting idly by. Too often we choose comfort and complacency over what is right. I have seen this mentality in the church during my 19 years of serving in various leadership roles.
In a local church, you may have a few very vocal and aggressive people who tend to bully and badger people to get their way and we just brush that off with, “I mean what are you going to do? That is just how he/she/they are.” So in the meantime, these people hold the church and its leadership hostage until it leads to the church’s death. Possibly the clergy stands up to the bullies, then the bullies try to round up the troops to get this pastor/clergy person out of there. Sadly often in these types of situations, these poor attitudes and actions are not confronted and instead the district/conference just shuffles the pastors around without addressing the underlying issues. It gets passed off as, “That’s just the way it is.” But should it really be that way? What about when in the local church the issue is the pastor? When many people within the church and leadership see some significant issues (not just preference differences) that need to be confronted and changed yet their complaints are dismissed and brushed off because those who are in higher up leadership roles don’t want to confront the issues at hand and just ignore them? This is just another way of saying, “That’s just the way it is” by our actions.
In my denomination, the United Methodist Church the ordination process is extremely long and arduous. Now, I can understand the need for vetting and making sure the clergy person has a solid understanding of Wesleyan theology and what it means to be an Elder or Deacon, but quite honestly our process is brutal. For example, I started the process in late 2011 and I was finally fully ordained in 2020 after multiple delays. You go through tons of steps in the process of paperwork, interviews, and examinations. In this process, you as the clergy are told you are the one who has to make sure it all gets done exactly how it needs to be done (even though you are the one who knows the least about the process). As the clergy person, you are told often, “make sure you make extra copies of everything you send in because if it gets lost you need to be able to prove you sent it”. So, not only are you in charge of the whole process, but you are also in charge of covering for others’ mistakes because they won’t own them or admit to them. Depending on your conference or district you may do your DCOM interviews in front of 5 people or 16 people (I did both). Then you get drilled with questions and you have to have 3/4 of the people vote in approval of you…how often do 3/4 of Methodists agree on anything? Haha! Oh and if you do pass the DCOM and don’t pass at the BOM then you don’t get to just come back to the BOM the next year, instead you have to all the way back to DCOM the next year! Oh and if you don’t pass at DCOM then you get to wait an entire year before you can interview again. To be quite honest, our systems are broken but instead of changing them we sort of shrug our shoulders and say, “That’s just the way it is.”
As was said in the recent productive pastor podcast, “Too often the UMC gaslights us into another form of abuse. There is a fine line between sacrificial giving and abuse. There is a fine line between I am trying to be like Jesus and I am Jesus.” If we are not willing to be teachable and humble as laity, clergy, and as a denomination, we will not continue to grow. If we as laity, clergy, and as a denomination are not willing to confront toxic people, systems, and procedures/processes then we continue to feed the very things that will lead to our demise. Will it be easy to confront these things? Not a chance. Will it make people angry? For sure. Will it be comfortable? No way. Yet, the question we need to ask is are we just going to shrug and say “that’s just the way it is” or will we as followers of Christ choose the path less taken to be the kind of church that God has called us to be? One path leads to death and one path leads to life. Choose wisely.
